Because I Love You
by Katt Ucia
Summary: A suicide, S&M ZADR one-shot. CONTAINS TRACES OF ZADR AND VIOLENCE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.


Somewhere, a line had been crossed. That much was sure. Possibly it had started when Zim leaned down and lightly pressed his lips against Dib's.

"What was that for?" the boy cried, recoiling as if he had been shocked.

"You'll want more." Zim said, smiling a knowing smile. Dib scoffed, and Zim left. But the alien had been right.

That first night with Zim had been excruciatingly painful. The alien had shown up at Dib's window, and the human had begged for him to take him. To do with him what he wanted.

Zim had smiled a malicious little "I told you so" smile, and obliged. The night had been rough and fast, and caused Dib to scream and pray for the end.

When morning had come dawning on Dib, alone, the boy felt raw and used. Empty, and sore. But by God, he wanted it again. It was all he could think about, and he crawled to Zim's base the next night, pleading for more.

The second night was even more painful than the first. The human woke, once again alone, and covered with bruises and slices that took weeks to heal.

Dib was disgusted with himself, and each night that he found himself standing at Zim's door made his utter horror grow only worse. Still, he would traverse the distance to his newfound lover's home, and he would spend the night, baring himself for more pain, sobbing and wondering why he was doing this to himself.

Fresh lacerations covered his pale body each morning. With each night came more bite marks and scratches. And, as always, he would wake in the morning to find himself utterly alone. Used as an Irken plaything yet again.

Dib became repulsed by himself, shuddering each time he passed a mirror. Anything that would let him see the empty shell he was becoming was something to avoid. He grew thinner, paler, gaunt even. Deep purple circles took up a permanent residence beneath his eyes. He was slowly destroying himself.

He spent every day in fear of the night. But every night, he made the trip to Zim's fortress, and every night he was victim to more abuse.

His thoughts began to twist, to warp his mind into believing that Zim cared about him. He began to make-believe that the alien actually loved him. He obsessed over the Irken. Each one of his thoughts seemed to start with Zim's name.

Eventually, he stopped noticing the daylight. He began to live for the nights, the times when he would see Zim. Dib would run the well-worn path to his awaiting torture at night.

People began to notice the cuts and bruises on Dib's body. When they would inquire as to the source of the injuries, he would smile and say "I fell down the stairs." One night he came back with his collarbone fractured and a broken arm, but he merely smiled when anyone mentioned it.

He began to disillusion himself so far as to say that Zim would love him more, or maybe even say that he loved him, if only he performed better. Each night he screamed louder, moved faster, and let his green lover hurt him more. His spirits soared, he barely noticed the new injuries, the head trauma, the nearly fatal internal bleeding, the various broken bones. Everything Zim did became a twisted sign of affection to him. Each time the alien bit down on soft human flesh, breaking the skin, Dib would give a grimacing smile.

Then, one night, Dib prepared himself for the usual torrential pain. Instead, Zim kissed him slowly and softly. Dib could taste passion, and a hint of despair on the alien's tongue. Dib barely noticed the alien entering him. Each movement was gentle and deliberate. The human had never felt anything like it. I moaned softly, rather than screaming. Pleasure coursed through his body, pure and untainted with pain. His back arched, his fingers clenched and unclenched. The boy eventually fell asleep with Zim still carefully working him over.

When Dib woke up the next morning, he was alone. He went to Skool as usual, but he couldn't get the previous night out of his head. He waited anxiously for the welcoming cover of night before tearing down the street.

Would tonight be like last night? He wondered, or would there be more pain?

Dib threw open the door to find Zim laying on the floor. His thick blue blood was pouring onto the floor from a deep, ragged gash on his forearm. The cut ran from the alien's wrist to the inside of his elbow.

Zim smiled a sad little smile as Dib screamed.

The human rushed to his lover's side, smashing the hems of his trench coat over the wound in a desperate attempt to stop the bleeding.

"Stop." Zim said weakly, reaching out with his undamaged hand to lightly stroke Dib's cheek. The gloved hand shook.

"B-but, the, the b-blood. I, I h-have to-" the boy's voice cut off as sobs forced their way up his throat.

"Shhhh." Zim shushed him, laying a cool, trembling finger across his lips.

"Why?" Dib asked softly, a fresh flow of tears bombarding his eyes.

"Because I love you, Dib." Zim said, smiling that same hopeless smile that made Dib's broken heart ache. The alien closed his eyes, the heart wrenching smile still visible on his face, and breathed out. "Goodbye." he said, breathing out for the final time. His hand fell away from his human lover's face.

Dib felt angry screams of agony rip from his throat as he kneeled in the pool of Zim's blue, sweet-spelling blood. Shaking, he stood and ran from the house, tears flowing freely down his face and sobs hitching his breath. People moved hastily out of his way as he staggered down the street, crying uncontrollably.

He ran into his own house, and into the basement. He pulled a revolver off the wall and, still heaving violent sobs, placed the cool muzzle of the gun against his cheek.

Dib bit his lip and took a deep, shaky breath.

Placing the gun at his temple, he smiled and closed his eyes, tears glistening on his cheeks. Giving a hiccuping sob, he cocked the gun.

"I'm coming for you, Zim." He whispered. Suddenly he laughed, a harsh, grating sound, as he placed his finger on the trigger, then pulled.


End file.
